Epistle to Brother Ionathas On The Sacrament of Holy Communion

Trigger Warning: Suicide

Cyrus, a lost sheep that was found; to Brother Ionathas my fellow athlete of the vigilant brethren, sanctified in Christ and called of His holy people: Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. As the Holy Syrian poet Ephrem writes, “God does not give a great gift without a great trial.” As my unworthy words on Holy Baptism have already reached you and Brother Oliverius, I will not go on explaining in the beginning about the functions of Law and Gospel, or the testimony of the Apostles and Fathers, but instead will employ them in giving words to the unspoken groanings of my heart on the sacrament of Holy Communion, which I hold very dear.

You know of the struggles in the faith I have had of late, where I was stripped bare of all methods to save myself and humbled in my helplessness before the Lord. My sorrow became great and thereafter my apathy, driving me to even curse the day I was born. Many times have I prayed for death and for God to leave me to perdition, for the unworthiness of my soul was made apparent to me in stark reality. You know of the sins which I practiced in hopelessness, the sins of which those who practice them will not inherit the kingdom of God, the sins of which the weight of their guilt outweighed any perception I had of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:19-25). My depression indeed drove me to further doubt, as my former church placed great emphasis on works in their weekly preaching and culture; I was unable to get up in the morning or even pray to God beyond asking Him for death, the signs of the works of a believer were not in me. The assurance of salvation left me, the old advice about the consideration of my salvation being itself an assurance of my salvation left me no comfort; thoughts of God cursing me with melancholy since birth abounded. No amount of the advice of godly men availed me of my deep despair, and the Holy Scriptures themselves became abhorrent to me as I saw condemnation even in the New Testament preached to me; the pride of understanding the Scriptures intellectually left me in my sorrow.

I have been driven to consider suicide twice in my life. In the first instance I believed that blind faith in God would heal me, and that through it I had conquered the meaninglessness of life. And why not, when I listened to the advice of my parents to not be so sad or emotional, as it was unbecoming of a man. In many things I learned to tough it out and not say anything about my own pains or cares, as who could understand? In the second and most recent instance, all prayer and devotion did nothing to comfort me about the inevitability of my depression and how God did not heal me. The thought of murder and sloth and all manner of sins being my only lot in life was continuously presented to me by the adversary, and many times I was reduced to tears praying to God for relief and receiving silence. My efforts to come close to God came to naught, and I could merely wait for God to visit me and pronounce forgiveness of sins as the paralytic did (Mark 2:1-12). I was expecting healing apart from means, of which I have demonstrated in my previous letter is not God’s ordinary mode of blessing.

In my sojourn before my second bout of depression, the words of Prophet David in Psalm 139:5 gave me comfort, “Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.” I could find comfort in my intellectual understanding of God’s faithfulness, as He surrounds me as a siege of love, and lays His hand on me even though my disgusting sins are blacker than black. Yet even all the promises in Scripture did not reach my heart in the throes of grief. I could not feel God’s hand of love, and rather felt the hand of condemnation for the apathy that comes from depression. I slept as a dead man, and walked the earth in confusion in my lack of faith in the Gospel.

Regarding my state of confusion, I find it useful that there is an outward example in the care of my parents and friends. Analogous to the effects of the Law, my friends’ and father’s reminder of my duties to them, the sin of suicide, and how my death would affect them negatively were of little consolation. A person driven to suicide is already painfully aware of these things; the pain, sorrow, and apathy are too much to bear for warnings of damnation and accusations of selfishness to be of any meaning to them. My parent’s advice to be happy in the Lord and to only go to the doctor as a last resort fell on the ears of one who was unable to be happy and one whose ability to endure on his own strength was already thoroughly exhausted. Despite these examples, I found more comfort in the willingness of my parents and friends to be with me without any expectations, allowing me to feel valued as they spent time with me in my interests. Although I did not know it, the presence of them in my life was a microcosm of the grace God was going to show me in my pit of depression. Praise be to God, “Who remembered us in our low estate: for his mercy endureth for ever:” (Psalm 136:23).

Although the advice given to me was well intentioned in truth, I could not find comfort unless the presence of my parents and friends was real to me; so it is with the new covenant of God. The men on the road to Emmaus could not recognise the Lord even when the Lord Himself was explaining the Scriptures to them, only when “... he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them. And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight.”, for it is written, “And they told what things were done in the way, and how he was known of them in breaking of bread.” (Luke 24:27-35). Of which breaking of bread was our Lord made known to them? It is written of using the same words in Acts 2:42, “And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.” It is certainly in the sacrament of Holy Communion that the presence of the Lord is made known. Truly I testify to the experience of the Lord’s presence like a blessed rain after the drought when I partook of the real body and blood of the Lord at the altar of my new church, instilling in me hope beyond my understanding. Out of my apathy and sorrow the Lord met me there and raised me up. When I could not even open my mouth to praise Him, He made known to my heart, not just my intellect, that He was always close to me in my suffering and gives forgiveness of sins through his death on the cross.

How could this mystery strengthen the fruit of faith in me? In the words of our Lord, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide (Greek: menō) in me.” (John 15:4). In only one other place does our Lord use such wording: “He that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, dwelleth (Greek: menō) in me, and I in him.” (John 6:56). Contrary to those who say Jesus was speaking in metaphor, He took it upon Himself to confirm its literal meaning rather than explain it as another metaphor, as with no other parable did the crowds of disciples leave him: “As the living Father hath sent me, and I live by the Father: so he that eateth me, even he shall live by me. This is that bread which came down from heaven: not as your fathers did eat manna, and are dead: he that eateth of this bread shall live for ever. These things said he in the synagogue, as he taught in Capernaum. Many therefore of his disciples, when they had heard this, said, This is an hard saying; who can hear it?” (John 6:57-60). In order to reinforce the reality of His words, our Lord continues, “When Jesus knew in himself that his disciples murmured at it, he said unto them, Doth this offend you? What and if ye shall see the Son of man ascend up where he was before? It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.” (John 6:61-63). Where in the Scriptures is spirit and life used to predicate metaphor? Even many of his disciples who had followed Him and knew His ways of speaking did not understand Him as speaking figuratively for they left Him. I agree with Peter, to whom else can I go? Christ has the words of eternal life. Lord, teach us your statutes through your presence.

Let it not be said that the sacrament of Holy Communion is necessary for salvation, for though my faith was weak, it was not extinguished in my depression, and the desire of the thief on the cross also stands testimony. Again as with Holy Baptism, it is a measure of God’s abundance of grace to us in the new covenant. The reality of the forgiveness of sins bought by the cross is received and strengthened in us through the sacrament, through faith in the words of our Lord: “And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body. And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it; For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.” (Matthew 26:26-28). This remission of sins given through the new covenant is indeed the fulfilment of abundance compared to the old covenant in Exodus 24:8-11:

“And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people, and said, Behold the blood of the covenant, which the Lord hath made with you concerning all these words. Then went up Moses, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel: And they saw the God of Israel: and there was under his feet as it were a paved work of a sapphire stone, and as it were the body of heaven in his clearness. And upon the nobles of the children of Israel he laid not his hand: also they saw God, and did eat and drink.”

What greater privilege do we have than eating and drinking in the presence of God? The blood of the old covenant is inferior to the new, as it does not itself give remission of sins and the presence of God only being revealed to Moses and the elders. We have the abundance of Holy Communion, in which the perfect icon of God, Jesus Christ, the only way through which we can behold the Glory of the Father, provides His presence for us in the most intimate way of His own body and blood.

Cut off from my old church and communion in the pandemic, my faith in the forgiveness of sins grew weak. Though I had some conviction that there was a spiritual presence in the communion before the pandemic, I did not experience the full grace of the sacrament until I received it with faith in the true body and blood at my new church. For it is written in 1 Corinthians 11:27-29: 

“Wherefore whosoever shall eat this bread, and drink this cup of the Lord, unworthily, shall be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup. For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord's body.”

The immediate context of this warning of the Holy Apostle is the drunkenness and feasting that the sacrament had become in the Corinthian church. The devil had tempted the Corinthians to add on to the sacrament in order to feed the hungry and drink of wine, as it is written in verse 22, “What? have ye not houses to eat and to drink in? or despise ye the church of God, and shame them that have not? what shall I say to you? shall I praise you in this? I praise you not.” What is eating and drinking unworthily, if not that of doing so without reverence and examining himself to be indeed unworthy before the presence of the Lord’s body and blood? By turning such a holy meal given to us into a drunken feast, they were certainly spurning the remission of sins, not discerning the Lord’s body and blood in the bread and wine.

The Lord established this sacrament with His Word, therefore all who partake receive the true body and blood of the Lord as it is His work not ours, but only those who have faith in its promise receive it to their blessing. It is said of those who partake unworthily, “For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord's body. For this cause many are weak and sickly among you, and many sleep.” (1 Corinthians 11:29-30). Given the immediate context of Apostle Paul admonishing against heresy and mentioning damnation, it can be said that those who partake unworthily became sick and weak in faith and some fell away to spiritual death, as even now those who do not discern the body are not struck down in physical illness and death. In the Apostle’s admonishment against idolatry this is clarified, “The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not the communion (Greek: koinōnia) of the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not the communion (Greek: koinōnia) of the body of Christ? For we being many are one bread, and one body: for we are all partakers of that one bread.” (1 Corinthians 10:16-17). The Greek koinōnia is more than a watered down social fellowship when used by the Holy Apostles to describe union with God (see 1 John 1:3). There are some who would equate the communion of the Lord’s body with the church, but the Apostle Paul clearly mentions it in conjunction with the blood of the Lord, which is never used to represent the church in the Scriptures. Therefore, the one bread of the church is thus because they partake of one bread, the body of Christ in the sacrament. From this union with God, Apostle Paul continues in 1 Corinthians 10:18-21: 

“Behold Israel after the flesh: are not they which eat of the sacrifices partakers of the altar? What say I then? that the idol is any thing, or that which is offered in sacrifice to idols is any thing? But I say, that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to devils, and not to God: and I would not that ye should have fellowship with devils. Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lord's table, and of the table of devils.”

The communion of the body and blood is compared with the communion with God in the sacrifices of Israel and the communion with devils in the sacrifices to idols. They are all united with their objects in the sacrifices just as the church is united together in Christ and one another through the sacrament providing the once and for all remission of sins bought by the sacrifice of the cross. More than just a remembrance, union with God is truly effected through the sacrament, as the Apostle Paul illustrates through his warning against communion with demons. In fact, even in the words of our Lord, “...this do in remembrance (Greek: anamnēsis; a rare word only found in passages about Holy Communion and the remembrance of sacrifices in Hebrews 10:3) of me.” (Luke 22:19) sacrificial language is used. The Lord foreshadowed the centrality of this sacrament to His Apostles through His miraculous feeding of the crowds through the breaking of bread.

This sacramental union of body and bread, blood and wine, can be described as Christ’s body and blood being in, with, and under the elements. The word in refers to that where the bread and wine is, there is the body and blood of Christ. The word with refers to that with the bread and wine we receive the body and blood of Christ. The word under refers to that the body and blood of Christ are hidden yet present under the bread and wine, because the elements continue to exist as bread and wine. For there are some who say the bread and wine to be only symbols or only spiritually taken, a view of which a contortion of the Scriptures and the Apostolic Fathers is required, and there are others who say the bread and wine are transformed in substance to body and blood to which philosophical speculation outside of Scripture is required to hold. For it is written that bread and wine are still existing in 1 Corinthians 11:26: “For as often as ye eat this bread, and drink this cup, ye do shew the Lord's death till he come.” Indeed, by taking Jesus at His word, a great weight was lifted off my shoulders and I returned to a more childlike faith in His gifts.

The unity of the early church did not depend on the Scriptures which were not completed yet or the papacy but on the actual experience of the Living God. Why else would the Apostle Paul write in 1 Timothy 3:14-15, “Although I hope to come to you soon, I am writing you these instructions so that, if I am delayed, you will know how people ought to conduct themselves in God’s household, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth.”? The church itself is the pillar and foundation of the truth, and through the sacrament of Holy Communion is united in one body as the Apostle Paul has explained. It is the custom of some who deny the real presence of Christ in the sacrament to continue to insist that their faith and practice existed in the time of the Apostles only for it to surface now after two thousand years of holy people had failed to keep the Apostolic teaching. I will not speak of the Reformers John Calvin and Martin Luther who both condemned the mere symbolic view of the sacrament, but I will speak of the second generation of Christians who surely would not have immediately fallen into error. Hieromartyr Ignatius, disciple of John the Apostle writes:

“Take note of those who hold heterodox opinions on the grace of Jesus Christ which has come to us, and see how contrary their opinions are to the mind of God. . . . They abstain from the Eucharist and from prayer because they do not confess that the Eucharist is the flesh of our Savior Jesus Christ, flesh which suffered for our sins and which that Father, in his goodness, raised up again. They who deny the gift of God are perishing in their disputes” (Letter to the Smyrnaeans 6:2–7:1 [A.D. 110]). 

The communion of the church through the sacrament is clearly expressed in the Didache, the earliest document apart from the New Testament of early church practices (A.D. 50-150): 

“Concerning the Eucharist, celebrate the Eucharist in this way. First, concerning the cup, we thank you, our Father, for the holy vine of David your servant which you made known to us through Jesus your child. To you be the glory forever. Concerning the broken bread, pray like this: “We thank you, our Father, for life and knowledge that you have made known to us through Jesus your child. To you be glory forever. As the broken bread was scattered on the mountains and then gathered into one, thus let your church be gathered from the ends of the earth into your kingdom because yours is the glory and the power through Jesus Christ forever. Let no one eat or drink from your Eucharist except those who are baptized in the name of the Lord. For the Lord said about this, “Do not give holy drink to dogs.”” (Ch. 9)

I testify along with Saint Ignatius, that the church is “breaking one and the same bread, which is the medicine of immortality, and the antidote to prevent us from dying, but [which causes] that we should live for ever in Jesus Christ." (Letter to the Ephesians 20:2 [A.D. 110]). The healing from the increasing faith in the Gospel of forgiveness of sins is indescribable, and it comes to me whether I am depressed and can’t get up, or happy and carefree; Jesus Christ took my suffering upon himself at the cross, and is there for me to receive His grace at the sacrament.

There are some who would limit the occurrence of the sacrament to guard the significance of its remembrance in fear of regularity dimming its power. On the contrary, just as the Holy Gospel is preached every Lord’s day because of its power, so one should also celebrate Holy Communion because of the effective Word of Christ. It was the regular practice of the New Testament church (see Acts 2:42, 20:7, and 1 Corinthians 11:20), and the historic church onwards.

Against the impious who would assert that Christians practice cannibalism or that Jesus would command that which is contrary to the Law in Leviticus 17:10-14 let the Scriptures explain:

“And whatsoever man there be of the house of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn among you, that eateth any manner of blood; I will even set my face against that soul that eateth blood, and will cut him off from among his people. For the life of the flesh is in the blood: and I have given it to you upon the altar to make an atonement for your souls: for it is the blood that maketh an atonement for the soul. Therefore I said unto the children of Israel, No soul of you shall eat blood, neither shall any stranger that sojourneth among you eat blood. And whatsoever man there be of the children of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn among you, which hunteth and catcheth any beast or fowl that may be eaten; he shall even pour out the blood thereof, and cover it with dust. For it is the life of all flesh; the blood of it is for the life thereof: therefore I said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall eat the blood of no manner of flesh: for the life of all flesh is the blood thereof: whosoever eateth it shall be cut off.” 

God has reserved the blood for the sacrifice of the atonement of sins commanding Israel to respect lifeblood as the atonement for all sins, for it is in the immediate context of this command that God sets apart one place for the sacrifice at the tabernacle. The early Christians were certainly accused of being cannibals by the pagans of Rome, but in their refutations never said that they merely believe in symbolism. The eating and drinking is not carnal like one would eat regular food by chewing and ripping the flesh, but a mysterious physical reception of the instrument of sacrifice that will bless the one eating it. One can see in all the sacrifices in the Old Testament, the priest, the elders, or God eats the sacrifice in order for the blessing to be applied. The Passover meal was eaten after the sacrifice of blood on the doorposts as a communion with the blessings of the sacrifice. The sacrifices of the Old Testament are but a shadow of Christ’s sacrifice, in which by eating and drinking we inwardly and physically receive the benefits of the body and blood of Jesus. For it is written, “By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.” (Hebrews 10:10) and “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7).

Now that I have demonstrated the purpose and necessity of the sacrament of Holy Communion through the scriptures and the testimony of the Apostolic Fathers, what more is to be said? God has taught me through the means of His body and blood given for me, the forgiveness of sins received through faith restored my joy in reading the Scriptures and I experienced again the transformative power of the Incarnate Word. God has shed His blood “for you” and me, a personal understanding of the reality of Christ in me and how He always loves us. I dare not abstain from this sustenance of faith, for I am always in need of it to strengthen the Gospel in my heart: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.” (Romans 1:16-17). The abundance of grace in the Gospel promises through the sacraments has been a great comfort to me. Come to Christ the Great Physician and he will forgive your sins, for where the soul has recovered, the body is also relieved. My testimony of God’s grace in the sacrament has shown this, and I now trust in God to continue to heal through means, whether it be through therapy or others. Even if God never heals me from depression, I can now say with Job: 

“I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not. Hear, I beseech thee, and I will speak: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me. I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee. Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:2-6)

Though I cannot explain my suffering, I know that God is with me and is always with me until the end of the age. The physical suffering of Christ in the body and the shedding of His blood for the forgiveness of sins is made real to me and I cannot go back to believing otherwise. Truly God’s grace is abundant; as Saint Isaac the Syrian writes, “as a handful of sand thrown into the ocean, so are the sins of all flesh as compared with the mind of God; just as a strongly flowing stream is not blocked up by a handful of earth, so the compassion of the Creator is not overcome by the wickedness of His creatures.” We are His creatures, constantly polishing the mirror of our faith to better reflect the light and love of the Creator, with not just mental recollection but true healing of the soul. We are moving slowly through the land of thorns and thirsting in the arid desert towards our final destination, and until we partake of the heavenly bread and wine our labour is in vain. Whoever is sustained by love is sustained by Christ, for God is love. Glory to God for His salvation and the forgiveness of sins, may you Brother Ionathas be blessed in soul and body by the love and blessing of Christ. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.